I Was Healthy My Whole Life Until I Wasn’t

It’s been a spiraling journey downhill since January 2018. My body tells me what my limits are but my brain disagrees. I’m not ready to take life slow or have limitations. My brain doesn’t seem to be in sync with my symptoms. I hate not being able to work out for a full hour without getting 5 minutes into raising my heart rate and have to stop because I get dizzy. They tell me it’s my body’s way of telling me to slow down. If I don’t stay active then I increase my chances of being too stationary and getting sick, but if I become too lazy then I risk my psychological health. So where does that leave me? I guess one day at a time.

I have a biopsy scheduled for next month. Doctors need to determine another diagnosis apparently and in all honesty, I’m kind of, pretty much, all the way over it all. I scheduled it out as far as possible to avoid anymore bad news. Jokes on me, right? Don’t talk to me about doing what’s right for my health. I’ve done what’s right for my health my whole life until I became sick with Mono in late 2017 and in January 2018 is when I was told I’m sick with an illness that has no cure.

So where does that leave me?

Well, I’ve eaten ice cream for dinner 4 nights this week and I loved every single bite. I made my teenager a microwaveable meal for dinner and didn’t fell bad for not cooking a 45 minute meal in the kitchen. I’ve been watching Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix all day on the couch and cuddled with my sweet puppy.

And I currently have bronchitis. Yay me. I finally choked down my stubborn pride and went to Urgent Care last week after day 6 of getting increasingly worse with URI symptoms.

Keep your village close if you have one. You’re going to need them.

XO,

S

PS. Stock up on ice cream!

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