Am I Living or Surviving?

I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been sort of on auto pilot. The Rituxan infusions unfortunately did not work. I wasn’t able to finish the series due to reactions at the infusion center. Failing another therapy is a swift reminder that I’m just one more step closer to failure. My body is failing me … Continue reading Am I Living or Surviving?

An Open Letter To My Rituxan Infusion

Often times I choose to say I’m fine. I find it helps with facing the actual truth of dealing with this whirlwind of drifting, surviving, and rising through the trauma of an illness there is no cure for. My immune system is gone. It doesn’t exist anymore. Not even in the slightest way. Monoclonal therapy … Continue reading An Open Letter To My Rituxan Infusion

Bouncing Back From Something That Is Meant To Destroy You

Can we talk about how exhausting this is? •Lupus •Leukopenia •Hypovolemia •Sjrogens •Plaquenil toxicity •Reynaud’s •Osteopenia •Malabsorption syndrome •Anemia/iron deficiency caused by iron intolerance •Sialoadenitis I am not my diagnosis and my diagnosis does not define me. After everything I have been through and all the courage I seem to find within myself, I’ve been … Continue reading Bouncing Back From Something That Is Meant To Destroy You

Ping Pong

It’s easy to crawl into a ball and cry and feel sorry for myself and resent and rage at what life has dealt me. My medications may not seem to work, and all I feel is hopelessness and defeat. My story is not the same as the next persons. I may feel like a balloon … Continue reading Ping Pong