It’s easy to crawl into a ball and cry and feel sorry for myself and resent and rage at what life has dealt me. My medications may not seem to work, and all I feel is hopelessness and defeat. My story is not the same as the next persons. I may feel like a balloon with a slow leak, and by the end of the day, I feel deflated. So many scenarios play ping pong in my head on most days. I often wonder why. I want to know what I did to deserve this diagnosis. I’m left with all of these questions and no answers. I often times have to remind myself that although my story is not the same as the next persons, I’m hoping and praying my story continues. I’m not finished with this chapter. This journey we call life has me battling this damn ping pong ball and I have no clue how to play. I’m winging it, really. I was the healthy kid who was always playing outside and arguing with siblings. I wasn’t a sickly child. Was it the mono that caused my immune system to turn on itself? Was it the HELLP Syndrome battle I almost lost in 2003? Doctors don’t know. But one thing I do know is that I’m a survivor. That means so many things. Every single one of us has survived something and while each story is different from our neighbors, it’s a story. I tell mine through writing. This is therapeutic for me. Whether or not my words get read by anyone is not what matters. As long as I’m getting my thoughts off my chest I feel like a tiny weight is slowly being lifted off my chest, even on the hardest days. I spoke to a woman today who has SLE and has battled this disease for many years. She has overcome blood clots among many other Lupus symptoms. Hearing her story made me realize that for whatever reason our immune system works against us, we have a commonality; Survival skills. It doesn’t matter your diagnosis or your journey because at the end of the day what matters most is that we got through the day and fought a battle. I am telling anyone who is listening that you are strong, and you are powerful, and no matter what anybody says, you can do this.
XO – S