I used to be someone who said, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.”

That was before I had faced any hardships in my life. When people are going through something hard and decide to share it, it makes people uncomfortable. It’s hard to watch others who are hurting, and it’s hard not knowing how to help when it’s someone you love.

“God doesn’t give us more than we can handle” is a very well-meaning encouragement that I know is meant in love. I’ve said it before! But it’s not really comforting at all in the way you hope or intend it to be. In fact, many of us who are experiencing hard things would want you to know this;

That phrase does not come across in the kind way you mean it. It firstly implies that those who don’t experience suffering in their lives are somehow unable to handle it and people like me who do have great suffering can handle it. I promise you I don’t “handle it” on most days. It also makes it sound as if all the horrible things in our life came from God.

When you use the words “God” and “gives” in the sentence that way, what I personally hear is—

God gave her a terminal illness.

God caused the relapse.

God did the damage.

God did these things . . . because I can handle it.

I don’t believe any of that for ONE second but, it still stings in my heart a little to think that.

I’ve been fighting an aggressive disease with no cure for 9 months to the day. I’ve watched my hair fall out. I’ve watched my heart sink into my chest as if it was the last time it was going to beat. I’ve felt what it’s like to be at the absolute bottom. I know what it looks like to stare fear in the face. I constantly feel helpless as “rescue chemo” slowly takes my independence away. I’ve become very good at hiding my battle from people outside of my circle.

This painful chapter of life feels like it’s more than I can handle because it is more than I can handle. And I wasn’t given a choice, I have to handle it.

The truth is He ABSOLUTELY gives us more than we can handle. That’s the point. He gives us more than we can handle alone.

“Trusting Jesus with your salvation is so much more than just going to Heaven when your time comes. It’s entrusting every aspect of your life to Him. It’s also trusting that He is good all the time. When terrible things happen, He’s good. When there’s joy, He’s good. We may not know why things happen to us on this side of Heaven but, we have to trust that even then, He’s good.” —Sophie Brave

We are to turn to Him in times of trouble and pain and lean on Him to take the burdens for us. The sheer force of humanity is more than we can handle alone.

He also places people on our lives to stand in the gap and be there for us when we don’t have the words. People who will love on us and support us through the difficult times.

God didn’t cause any of this, but you better believe He’s going to redeem it.