I know time passes slowly when you are waiting for that procedure to be over. When you are waiting for even a glimpse of good news. When the results haven’t come back yet and you are holding your breath for just one good thing. The days are long. The nurses are in and out, the … Continue reading You’re Not Alone
Being properly unwell is life changing. It seems obvious, but it’s not. I spent at least 12 months post—diagnosis in denial, assuming the whole thing was happening to someone else. As a result, I failed to look after myself properly; and by this I mean I tried to work, live, love and generally operate as … Continue reading The Perfect Storm
I was diagnosed with Lupus 327 days ago. 326 days ago was the last time I fell asleep without worrying about death on my doorstep. 326 days ago was the last time I kissed my son goodbye and didn’t feel guilty. 326 days ago I didn’t have to hide my face from the sun. 327 … Continue reading 327 Days Ago
Tonight I feel broken, weary, chewed up, spit out and cracked up into pieces that are just trying to hang on with fingernails and a prayer. Does it get better? Sometimes the words don’t even make sense. Something is said so often that it starts to jumble altogether into something different, unrecognizable. And yet, I … Continue reading Saving my Spoon & Skipping Chemo
Dear Jessi, Tonight you and your diagnosis are on my heart to the point where sleep will be near impossible. Although I know we’re fighting two different kinds of illnesses, finding out about someone else’s crappy health news has a unique way of initiating a PTSD-kind of anxiety as I try to remember what was most helpful … Continue reading Dear Jessi
I see you. You are not alone. I see you showing up every day. I see you struggling out of your bed every morning, exhausted beyond belief. I see you tossing and turning all night long, trying to find a comfortable position that doesn’t hurt. I see you when you realize that doesn’t exist. I … Continue reading I See You
This week I saw my doctor again. He is concerned about bone marrow suppression at this point. We agreed not starting other treatment right now. Chemotherapy has completely taken a toll on my body. I am anemic, (no surprise) I have scary low levels of so many other things right now. Levels are way too … Continue reading Is Time Ever on my Side?
As women, we paint on a smile with our makeup. We slip our shirt over our heads with a veil of strength. In the mirror, we see what the world sees, but our reflection doesn’t always reveal the pain, sadness, exhaustion, and weakness we feel inside. Out the door we go, we put on our … Continue reading Alter Ego or Reflection?
This week has been hard. Tonight has been hard. I am a mom of one. I am someone who is happy, full of life, spontaneous and loves making memories. I love to make people laugh even though it’s usually at my expense. I like this person. I miss this person. You see, recently I have … Continue reading The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia (I mean Texas)
I used to be someone who said, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” That was before I had faced any hardships in my life. When people are going through something hard and decide to share it, it makes people uncomfortable. It’s hard to watch others who are hurting, and it’s hard not … Continue reading 9 Months and Counting